The Day

So it’s Inauguration Day, the end of era, the end of an error. New blood will pump. All 55% of us wanted it, and we got it.

For all on the Right, do me a favor, and shut the fuck up this afternoon. Fox News shouldn’t broadcast today (if they had any honor). They’ve been fighting against this moment for about a half-century. And there’s not a reason in the world they should bask in its glow today.

For the Left, let’s not be unconsciously condescending today, if possible. Don’t ask the first black person you see how they’re feeling. Don’t act like you’ve just given them permission to the Country Club. You still haven’t. Just act like we’re getting a new president. That’s all it is. For you.

And for God sake black people, don’t marginalize him. Those in the nasty positions of power are going to look for any leak in the Obama train. They’d love nothing more than to make Obama into a Leftist/Socialist/Minority/ puppet, instead of the leader and thinker that (he could be) and is. Don’t Al Sharpton the man. Al knows what I’m talking about.

And while I’m at it, black people, stop hating gays.

Anyway, it should be good theatre today. I still wake up with nightmares of Dick Cheney declaring Presdential Powers on this day, while he fills Bam with lightning and cackles terribly. The Child President would be already back in Texas, of course, and McCain would be waiting in the wings. Those dummies in the press corp. would be whispering to each other, “Why does Dick have a black robe on?”

Then, before they knew it, Dick would be saying, “Un-limited, power!!!!!.” And Bam would be withering on the National Stage, and the Hyenas would be cackling. And McCain would be standing there, watching the Dark Forces of Cheney destroy every piece of Democracy he’d ever fought for (destroy his son!), and he’d turn. McCain would suddenly stand and lift the Evil Cheney above his arms, lightning bolts would be flying from his fingers, the Hyenas would be silent. And he’d toss him down one of Washington’s many laundry ducts. A great, furious, bolt of power and awe would resonate out of that duct, as Cheney’s Dark Powers finally evaporated into the sky. McCain would collapse.

And Barack Obama, the new leader of Force, would cradle McCain in his arms. He’d tell him he could save him, there was still time, we can form a coalition! McCain’s breath would be labored, wheezy, he’d pull Obama close to him and look deep into his eyes. Barack would still be saying, “I can save you!” And McCain would pull him close and say, “You already have, you al-ready have.”

Then Obama would go back to the Ewok colony and celebrate as we all would. He’d sigh and think to himself, “Now I know how Woodrow Wilson felt.”