Hurricane McCain

This is when it gets good. It’s the time of year when 17-year olds get pregnant, hurricanes spin to ironic locations, and James Carville’s head begins to glow a beautiful crimson red. As I wrote on here sometime back: nothing happens before the Conventions. All the dirt and bullshit starts getting unearthed right about…..now.

McCain’s crack team of expert gynecologists are going mad at this hour. They’ll never find work in this town again. John’s trying to pass it off as if they knew about this little bomb the whole time. Nice try. Finding out your inexperienced long-shot Vice Presidential candidate has an unwed pregnant teenage daughter on the night of your parties convention is a monumental fuck-up. It would have been better if we all found out she was just a Communist (and she might be). This too will pass. As all scandals do, but juicy scandals have a certain shelf life. It’s like a fine wine.

And it’s nice to see the Democrat’s finally have a little bite in their jabs. About time.

Barack Obama’s going to win this election. Mark it down. Call your bookies. Bet the kid’s college fund on it.

Everyone keeps talking about how close the race is. Well of course its close, this country is currently set-up so the Democrats and Republicans are the only two parties that can win. There’s no breaking the cycle. Not this year anyway. There’s really only about 100,000 votes in very key areas that even matter in these presidential elections.

In fact, McCain won’t win because he’s not conservative enough. He can’t rally old Racist McGee or Bibly McBride out of their piece of shit Northern Ohio trailer to vote for him. And those are the only two people who count anyway. He tried to pick a crazy conservative Ice Queen to be his running mate, but she’s going to turn into too much of a train-wreck anyway. And guess what? She’s actually going to scare away the sexist backwoods pole-smokers in Florida and Georgia that he really needs!

Awesome. Our political process is just awesome.