State of Delay

There are spies everywhere. The final hours are grinding away towards the landmark decision to be made by Orlando's Appointed Deciders. People have gone mad with anticipation, and the summer heat has really brought this thing to a boil. I've said what I've needed to say. Now there are black helicopters circling my Orlando apartment by night, and ex-Soviet KGB madmen in the swamp behind my apartment in high camouflage. Oh, it's getting heavy in the center of the state. New stadiums don't come easy.

In other news, since when is a hot young redheaded star not allowed to do a few lines of blow and drive her car into a tree along Hollywood Boulevard? What's this world coming to? Isn't that a situation that police should have been resolved with a little cleavage and a few autographs?

And I have to add something about this after browsing a bit of Tom "The Hammer" Delay's new book (I consider this type of reading a form of helpful political self-torture. You know, good summer reading). It's amazing that we elect people who are this insane. Just amazing. Here's a direct quote from the book: "Liberals in congress have no ideas that history hasn't disproved, and this leaves them pursuing only power. To get that power, they will destroy you-and if they can't destroy your message they will try to lock up the messenger. Congress today is plagued by the politics of personal destruction."

I've italicized that last part because it almost made my head explode. This guy actually has the balls to say that after almost single-handedly leading the charge to destroy Bill Clinton for personal reasons. And hell, he pulled it off with a neat little impeachment. Delay is one of those in the God Put Me in Congress for a reason crowd, and it's scary to think that for a little under a decade he was about the 5th most powerful person in the world (and I may be underrating him there). And he consistently calls liberals communist's, which gives me a good chuckle.

Ah, Democracy...what a funny thing you are.

What follows is an intercepted top secret communique sent from one P.T. Oliveri regarding local political actions...

Couldn't agree more. But here's the thing Marc, that's how politics are made in Orlando. Our politicans have been bought off by "tourists interests" and rich businessmen for nearly half a century. It's one of the reasons so many of our amenities/transportation/schools/police-fire forces suck so badly, and are often under-funded so deeply.

The Magic have made an extremely generous offer on a stadium that clearly needs to be destroyed. Not only that, but local residents are getting a new PA building (also, in bad need of replacement) and a new outdoor stadium. To act like that recreation is a poor alternative to funneling more money down International Drive (that convention center is like a fucking spacehip and is the size of some small countries)is a joke that's been played on this town for to many years.

But we keep taking it. We continue to elect local government that is willing to sell out the public to slick underground gurus like Rosen. And half the time, people around here buy his bullshit. We need the Magic more than they need Orlando (like they couldn't find support equal to ours, or moreso, in Kansas City).

Hopefully Orlando will not decide to step up and become a real city after the Magic leave...

Up In Drink

Live Earth was interesting to watch from a close distance. Such an odd ego that came out of the performers, and (one must think) the attendees. We’re here to save the world! Get the fuck out of here. You’re there to get drunk and see if The Police can pull off an entire set without shitting their pants. And they can. But save the world?

…Ah, it is just jealously, what Hova calls a weak emotion. I badly wanted to attend that concert. But New Jersey is a den, and to get there would have a required a massive amount of effort fueled by Jameson, plus painkillers, that I just was not in any shape to pull off. I did make the Metropolitan game though. Talk about a Boozefest.

In fact, my entire trip was a bit of a drink-a-thon. Everywhere I went people wanted to drink with me, and since I clearly had nothing better to do, it turned into 13 straight days of mayhem. Drinking on the beach, on mountains, in outdated stadiums, in the middle of streets, on Fire Island, in the Hamptons, in low class Montauk parties and high-class Montauk parties, on trains in Ronkokama (pronounce it as Dracula would), in the woods, in bars, on boats, barges, ferries and power-ships, in basements and on lakefronts, in bathtubs, on Boeing 737s, and, of course, in retirement homes. Now my side hurts.

I really enjoy traveling though. It is a goal of mine to figure out how to travel and get paid for it (good luck with that). Now that I’m back on the native terra firma it gets more interesting. And all thanks need to be directed at the college for scheduling the Arts & Sciences graduation at 7:30 A.M., as that should just make it easier for me to pull off an all night bender.

But it’s back to business now. I must investigate some things (starting with these people called Clinton’s, I have a feeling about them). And I need a job, or so people tell me. We’ll see about that.

Bleeding the Orchid

Quick note from the road. I've been up in the New York drinking in the East Hampton's by night and drinking more on Fire Island by late night. A few things have been learned. For one, Jewish dentists are simply a necessity, and I can't imagine ordering any other ethnicity to move the calcium in my gums. Two, Long Island girls are very aggressive. They don't take well to timidness, and many of the them would rather see you dead then talk to you if you make under six figures (US). This is especially true on the island that takes its name from heat, and these girls are simply vicious (but on a side note, the deer are very friendly).

Indeed. And pick up the new Smashing Pumpkins album if you get the chance (the Zeitgeist) as it is rock that will melt the lies off your soul. I have more notes from the road, but I've been drunk for eight (8) consecutive days and, in fact, am at this moment. The ideas, and the execution of said ideas, are moving very slow. But remember these two things until my next post; I may be an environmentalist, but if there's any creature that is more unnecessary in this universe than ticks I have not met it, and two, Elizabeth Hurley looks better on a flat screen than a tube. Don't forget these things.