Long Days, Long Nights, and Lots of Wolf Blitzer

All right, so two months ago I called McCain a reclusive old man who had as much of a chance of winning the presidency as Bob Barker. But times have changed. That's the problem with writing this stuff down as opposed to just blurting it out on television; it doesn't go anywhere. Alas, Giuliani may have had the most money, but campaigning in one state just wasn't going to work. I hope his campaign manager gets a raise and new job (he probably will too, this dipshit named Axelrod that Obama got conned into using as his CM has had more failed campaigns that Ralph Nadar).

At least I was right about Mitt the Mormon. Christians in the end just couldn't stand him, and they went for Huckabee even though he really doesn't stand a chance nationally. This will be a harsh lesson for the Christian Right, and I fear what the backlash will be in 2012 (although according to various sources, including a small Vietnamese lady that lives in Melbourne and the History Channel, the world's ending that year anyway). They're going to have to deal with a presidential election that features two candidates that don't hold the Bible central to their policies. Although, they'd probably be shocked to learn just how religious Hilary Clinton really is. Reading Clinton's My Life, it was astonishing just how religious even a Democratic president is.

But anyway, I see depressing signs of failure all over Obamas campaign, even if MSNBC isn't buying it. Clinton's winning huge with old women and whites, and Obama's scoring with college-aged students. Never a good sign. I remember realizing that Kerry was doomed in '04 when he seemed to focus on winning through the youth vote. You just have to get the old women on your side.

I was really hoping for a Huckabee/Obama race. Then at least America could decide: Crazy or Progressive. As it is, it looks like two extremely moderate candidates will be the parties nominees (did you know Hilary Clinton was the President of College Republican's at Wellesley?). Unfortunate, I guess that's why the poles are angry.

You already had your chance with McCain though, Republicans. He would have been a fine President for the post-9/11 years. I truly believe that, and although he's for fighting the Iraq war like Lawrence of Arabia, I don't actually think he would have gotten us into it in the first place. At the very least, he would have surrounded himself with competent people to help him make decisions. But you blew it. Especially you people in South Carolina who bought into the Bush smear campaign that McCain was harboring gay-Vietnamese/Mexicans in his basement. And you let the worst President in modern history take over.

So fuck you. The Democrats get a chance to have sex-scandals and policy failures. It's only fair. And it's not like the parties are all that different when you hang around the middle of them.

Ah, but it's all in good fun. American politics is like a Wal-Mart puzzle: the pieces seem completely opposite, and you can't see how they could come together, or if they're enough of them, but in the end there are and they do. And you're left with a boring-ass picture of a barn, a car, or some kitten.