Blank Page (Revised)

A lot of people have been asking for the speech I gave in its entirety. What was posted a few nights ago was just some random writing I was doing that turned into the speech. It's quite similar. But either way, what's listed below is the speech as I gave it.

Also, I never expected so many people to look at this site (it's always just been a place for me to blast of political opinions, experiment with new writing forms, and basically hold my creative writing), but if you want to read some of the things that I'm actually proud of and think I do well, read: Idle Conversation (I'm such a spaz with this site that I still can't hyperlink, but you'll see a link to it on the right of your screen).

A lot of my other stuff on here is political rambling, or poor Hunter S. Thompson impersonations that were never really meant for true public consumption (i.e., read at your own risk). And again, thank you all for the kind words, they've meant more then any of you will ever know.

Here's my speech from yesterday:

Blank Page

Sometimes the questions that we all can’t answer, and rarely want to ask, are thrown at us, chaotically, miserably, and without cause. And our only response must be to promise those who have presented these questions, through no fault of their own, that we’ll try our best to answer them and make our selves more whole not because of the answers we find, but because we’ll have searched for them.

The projector changes scenes when it deems fit. Grim slabs of misery can transition to bright bombastic stabs of ecstasy only with time, and only with hope. And our hope is something we cannot know, and my not even be real, but ultimately it’s our hope that is our greatest asset. Our energy is but random pulses, random connections that feel solid for as long as they last and just as vapid as they collapse brutally from below and above us.

But in the damp night sky satellites will continue on their orbits, connections will be made, and sometimes missed, and hearts will break and never heal. Our brother’s ashes will come back to their home, to the place they belong, to the ocean we, and he, all sprung from. And when all our ashes settle, as a true quiet absorbs the space around our beings like a thick jelly, we can only hope that we’ll all get the answers we seek someday, in sometime, in some place. Because that is the only true hope any of us can have, and it’s the greatest mercy we can possibly expect.

It’s only in this time of loss that the direction of our lives can be so singular, as we search our minds for reasons and answers we cannot know. And as thick drops of cool rain fall regally from above, we can only keep breathing every breath, and walking every step, and trusting every moment towards a destination we’ll never know. And for whatever reason, we’ll learn something along the way. And if there is no final score, no touch of grace and no healing contact, then the sad story would have a pretty poor ending. But a blank page is no way to end a beautiful tale; even if its one that hurts us so badly along the way. So let us hope this is a story, and not just an illusion.


Mike and I were as close as brothers could be. We were connected not by name or blood, but by time and experience. There’s so many times in the future of my life, and I’m sure all of ours, that we’ll wonder how we can be happy doing the things he loved without him next to us. But we must, and we will.

The message we choose for Mike’s bracelet fits him for million reasons. He carried us because he could. And especially me. Mike played every part of his life as hard as he could, not only because it was the only the way he knew how, but because it was the only way he wanted to. And he carried me. Sometimes because he had too. Literally. He’s broken my wrist, my nose, my finger, my teeth (twice), (sigh), my cheek, my toe (he’s knocked the wind out of me like I was a whoopee cushion) and he’s beaten me up and down every from field, basketball court and pinball table anywhere on this pale blue dot.

And now he’s broken my heart. And all of ours. But it only hurts so badly because I, and we, loved him so much. And I can’t say for sure if in death he’ll always be there for me, because I can’t know that for sure, but I am sure I’ll always be there for him. We’ll chase his spirit because he was the best of us.

And finally, from my family and myself, thank you all for the support you’ve given us over this week and in the future. There’s no way we could have made it through any of these days without it. I love you all, and all I’ll always love you Mike.